{previously talking about him and jess together}
indierock413: congrats
indierock413: you're doing better than i am
Atarisfan44: o but it was really fun......it was like....wow...sex with clothes on.....shes on top....im on top....shes on top....back and forth
indierock413: rotf
Atarisfan44: yea kinda like that on a sofa
Atarisfan44: lol
Atarisfan44: yea em was getting a kick out of hearing about it
indierock413: rotf
indierock413: when did you talk to her?
Atarisfan44: 4ish
Atarisfan44: when she got home from work
indierock413: ok
Atarisfan44: we talked about you too
indierock413: what about me?
Atarisfan44: you and liza thingy.....talked to liza about it too
indierock413: ...
indierock413: anything else i should know?
indierock413: like
indierock413: im being serious
indierock413: she's not free until sunday, so i won't talk to her until then
indierock413: and to say this whole waiting period thing is killing me would be a rather large understatement
Atarisfan44: okay then........well what do you think she is going to say to you
indierock413: that we're better off being friends
indierock413: ?
indierock413: no ?
indierock413: sorry
Atarisfan44: well first off im not going to tell you everything.....cause you need to hear it from her....whatever it is
indierock413: i know
indierock413: i don't want you to tell me everything
indierock413: i just wish i could talk to her like.. tomorrow
indierock413: or sooner than sunday
Atarisfan44: but.......think about it....shes been ignoring you for over a week now....what do you think shes going to say..........
Atarisfan44: no offense....but it cant be good news
indierock413: i know
indierock413: she's going to end it for (in my mind) a few reasons
indierock413: 1. somethign about me not being the boyfriend i could have been
indierock413: 2. something to do with dom (?)
indierock413: 3. her complex with commitment... i thought about that today for a long time... but i'm not sure
Atarisfan44: one thing i will tell you......she or em has not mentioned dom
indierock413: ok
indierock413: i guess 1 pretty much accounts for everything else
indierock413: am i close at least?
indierock413: 1 would cover me being "boring" and such
Atarisfan44: good guessing.....im not telling though
indierock413: ok
indierock413: i talked to arf about what i plan on saying to her
indierock413: i've thought about it so much that i couldn't remember what i thought of
Atarisfan44: lol
Atarisfan44: what is it???
Atarisfan44: well the jist of it
indierock413: but i still come to the conclusion that it would have worked if she wanted it to work... i told her from the beginning that if she had a problem with something 
i was or wasn't doing to tell me about it
indierock413: and i can't say she's said anything
indierock413: i'm not putting all the blame for whatever on her, but i know i don't deserve it all 
Atarisfan44: hey man its too damn complicatied for me to understand whos fault it is
indierock413: i'll be completely honest in saying i would do anything to keep her
indierock413: not in a desperate sense, but i love her that much
indierock413: we've come this far... i still can't come to grips with it falling through
indierock413: for what could quite possibly be the final time
Atarisfan44: have you told her that you feel that way....well at anytime
indierock413: we haven't talked in 2 weeks
indierock413: but i planned on saying all this to her when we talked
Atarisfan44: okay
indierock413: which i wanted to be sometime last week, but that didn't happen
indierock413: and now i think it's too late
indierock413: it must just be how i am... 
indierock413: i wanted so much for this to work that i guess i was too careful about everything
Atarisfan44: tardy mother fucker
Atarisfan44: YES YES YES
Atarisfan44: OMG YES
indierock413: i talked to jenn last week about liza/ben respectively
indierock413: we both agreed honestly that we spend 99% of our day thinking about them (respectively)
Atarisfan44: obviously
indierock413: no, like seriously thinking about them
indierock413: and how much they mean to us
indierock413: and it's crazy to really put in perspective how much she means to me
indierock413: i mean, look at me for christ's sake... 
Atarisfan44: yeaw
indierock413: i haven't cried since jason's funeral before all of this
Atarisfan44: wow
indierock413: every lyric idea i come up with is about her... every song i hear, every show i watch, every person i see, every car i pass... it all reminds me of her
{respective goodbyes}